p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
