It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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