I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
