Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
