I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was like eating out sand paper
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
