I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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