I wish I could punch you in the face.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
