Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
