just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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