so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
