I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
