You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
