we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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