Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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