woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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