Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
