hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
