you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
