Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
