Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
