Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
