when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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