I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
