It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
