True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
