Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
