i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
