Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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