Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
