I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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