The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
