I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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