Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Actions speak louder than pants.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
