singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
