I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
