she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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