ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
