Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Less talking, more tequila
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
