Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
