we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
