This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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