You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
