Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
