I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
