The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize