I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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