Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wish my penis had a tongue
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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