I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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