I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
