I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
