Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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