Where is the hickey?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
