I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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