i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
