i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
