I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
