Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
