i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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