Whoa Z and x make the same sound
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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