What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
