I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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