I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
