I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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