if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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