WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
they need to just BURY HIM!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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