Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
