Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
