Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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