where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
