How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
