Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
