it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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