Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
