i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
