what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
