just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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