I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
