I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
