Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
