so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
