wat bout pragnant strippers??
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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