he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
only if we run a train.
done.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
