Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
