Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
