Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
