We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
