And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
