everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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