I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
