a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
