In the future we'll all be gay
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
