so let's talk penis.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
