I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
