im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
