Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
